i admit to having a couple days this week that I could not even bring myself to do it. I was around my daughter and her family, and the kids kept me busy, and it seemed every time i would sneak away I was quickly found out by my granddaughter Serenity, who is my little buddy. What are you doing Gwee? oh, nothing, I was going to try my hand at some yoga, running in the park, I had big plans, but it was freezing ass cold, and I grabbed a blanket and was hanging with the fam. I can see that you really need to cut out specific space and time where you are alone. I just wasn’t focused at all at times.
I do want to share an experience I had though. It’s in line with manifesting with your thoughts. It’s something I believe in, and have had proof of in my past, but when the thoughts are spiraling in a downward motion, and you get caught up in fear, it is so easy to get caught in a shit storm. Basically, I have been in one since September, or even longer – I have been so afraid of money, losing, not succeeding, starving, whatever. Everything was changing, fast and hard. So lately, I am trying very hard to bring in some good.
Spending time each day breathing in yellow or gold light, exhaling the greys and black smoke energy stagnant in me. Doing Visualizations at bedtime and throughout my day focusing on being grounded. Loving the moment. Really trying.
The other day, the sun came out. I was unloading work at a new space that has opened up for me to create and fire my pieces. I took my twenty minutes in the sun, up in the yoga studio, to meditate. After this wonderful breath work, and the relaxing sun meditation, I went into a couple of Yin yoga poses, ending at plank where I tilted my head back and could see nothing but light from the sun. I was laying in a second story barn door loft situation. Again, I breathed in the light. I saw myself open but mainly focused on the color of the exhale and bringing my breath all the way into my root chakra.
It was so relaxing, I stayed for what felt like hours. It wasn’t. I did get a sunburn though, which felt so great on my face.
While I lay, off to the side, a wonderful painting that I have always admired. I stared at it for a long time. I felt like I had been sleep. My friend came back home and I made myself leave the spot, wake up, do more work. I was foggy headed and heavy eyed.
The next morning when I woke up I had an email from the artist of this painting, asking where he could find my new work. Really? Is this possible? LinkedIn Message? Where he could find my work? Did someone tell him to get with me? I wonder if my friend asked him to write in efforts to support me as I try and regain some feet? No. The answer was no. He actually wrote to me all on his own, and I think it was because I was so focused on his painting, while in a trance. Is this possible?
Second thing that happened this morning,
I had an email from one of my heart friends, that I have not spoken to in a couple years. He began the letter with “Lynnie” and I began to cry. The people in my life that have been most special to me, always seem to end up calling me Lynnie. He was one of these people, and I instantly felt relief, and some kind of burden being gone, HUGGED! Someone, who loves me and knows me was reaching out to me. I have been missing my heart friends so much. But I stay away from them when I need help. I am not sure why. I feel like an energy vampire, and like I may burn out a friendship with all my artist woes and financial freaking nightmares. So I tend to retreat, go into hiding. Change my hair color, gain weight, become invisible.
He went on to say he had a dream about me, it was in my house, and wanted to know if I was still in my house. (I am not, as I lost to foreclosure in Sept). He said it was an intense dream of love and acceptance, but made note that when we hugged, it was with one arm only, as though we had stuff in the other arm. I guess this means something We wrote back and forth a little bit, and I felt so happy to have a connection and immediately saw the amazing results of my open day the day before. Will I see him again? I wonder and hope that I do.
As I went into the morning, it occurred to me how much had shifted. How much i had caused to move just with my delicious meditation in the sun and focus on the open breath and the possibilities. Being open to my emotions. Being open to whatever and not all shut down.
The Butterfly in the picture shows many stages – Being a member of the Butterfly clan, I understand this and felt like it was a message for me to see that all things in my life were in a variety of stages. And my friend who wrote, my loving, emotional, open, expressive, dear friend reminds me that I can embrace my own stuff, and maybe really bloom. He was always good with feeling things, and I was always so good at resisting that. He was an incredible teacher to me in so many ways around my fears.
I am so grateful for the gifts, and the ability to see and hear them. This day alone has had me doing my TM practice again daily.
Being open to life, relationship and love again feels really great and embracing my body and appearance as I am . I have to focus on this every day. I wish it came natural. It does not. Yet.