Well that was interesting. The following blog post is my first TM meditation try. I will be journaling my progress with this and blogging regularly about TM and how I am doing with it. I won’t be editing much, so bear with me.
TM Experiment – Day One
5:30 pm 2/21/13
Went down to the river, and onto the dock. I’m wearing sweat pants and tshirt and my comfy uggs. I site indian style on the dock facing the river. I wonder if I have to keep my eyes closed? I don’t have a mantra yet like you are supposed to, as I am doing this on my own. I asked my vibrationally superior friend who has many years experience with TM if he might gift me one, but he laughed at me. So I’m on my own for the focus part. Shut my eyes. Yes, I can hear the river, it’s loud. Rolling by on the rocks. It’s like the ocean, white noise. It feels comforting, like home. I miss my ocean many nights. I want to look at it. Can I open my eyes? Okay, let me try this, I decide to open my eyes and stare and find a focal point. The water rolls by over the rocks, and as I look through the railings of the dock, it all kind of blends together and I get kind of that 3-D feeling, like you used to get when you were trying to figure out what picture was inside the 3-d print at those fun galleries in the mall during the 80’s. This could work. I have no trouble staying focused on the rock I pick. I think I felt a raindrop. Is it going to rain on me during this meditation? I am now surrounded by water. My ears hear nothing more, and I feel like it is raining harder than it is. I decided to sit very close to the railings, as to use them for support for my stretch since I feel so tight, and almost like my body is ready to spring apart in some revolt from having to sit that way. Another raindrop. Maybe I should close my eyes. I look to my left, and my dogs are staring at me. (wonder what the hell she is doing, doesn’t she know it’s starting to rain?) Okay, keeping my eyes open is not working. Breath. Concentrate on my breath. Yes. I am breathing again. Finally, it starts to slow. Should I sit straighter? Should I tuck my stomach and pelvis in? What about my hands. I’ll just hold my hands together. stop thinking about stuff. I think my body is supposed to be more relaxed than this. Watch the water. I let my eyes blur, and I watch the water blending everything that is underneath it. I can see things. Interesting. I see a wolf under the water, and then I see a vagina. Is that a vagina? I decide to take a picture. The vagina disappears and my dog gets up to give me a kiss. bad idea. No pictures. I let the water blend around again. I keep staring until i feel like i am no longer thinking. I feel tired. I start feeling like I am in a trance. I think about how much water there is in my astrological chart and and somehow start thinking about the water rushing over the top of the stones, the sand, the sticks on the bottom of the river is kind of like life, and like I am the rocks and all the pictures underneath it, and the water, rushing and floating along the top, is the emotions and the ebs and flows of life and represent the constant change always rolling over the tops of us. Making things blurry and uncertain. I can see the river bottom, but it keeps changing as each ripple reflects on top of it. I think about how I dream about huge waves all the time, dark nights and oceans with giant waves, storms brewing in the background… These are common symbols that show up in my dreams all the time. I think I will close my eyes now. I sit for what felt like years in some kind of trance. My head drops, and as it does, the sound of the river water gets louder and my neck stretches in some kind of nice way. My hands I notice are now looking like I may be praying. I am aware of this and wonder if anyone is watching me. I feel like I may be doing something private, in public, even though I am in the backyard. Huh, that’s pretty interesting. As I become aware of this, I see that my dogs are still watching me. My Chakra Chime goes off. Twenty Minutes. Wow. THat was more work than I thought.